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XXI

by Terrell

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1.
2.
The Search [Verse 1] I get it, there's nobody out here that fucks with me, Luckily, I can just fuck with myself like I have been, Rapping has always been the passion, I'm acting like I don't know what happened, My life took a turn, for better or worse, Am I blessed, am I cursed, Verse after verse I deliver the shit that they want in a hearse, Am I perfect or perping, I've been rehearsing the answer to that for quite some time now, Think I need a time out, I'm tryna lose my mind now, Surrounded by darkness, I'll grind till there's light out, Damn it, I did it, I did it, I'm fully committed, Outwitting these niggas that's spitting, That nonsense, Right in your ear till you listen, What's missing, my nigga, What's missing is, Persistence to keep up existence, Don't mention it, Expecting the worst from the best, I'm upset but I gotta neglect, The negatives, focus on positives, I got a lot to give, They are not stopping it, I am not dropping if, I think I'm not the kid, The boy, the man, the one, It's begun, man I'm thinking I got the gift, It's awesome, spectacular, This life's a champion, I'm just a challenger, I will not challenge her, life is a bitch, But I'm a scavenger, I found my niche, I only exist if these rhymes do, So it's fuck everybody, times two, From Cincy to Tampa, I know what I'm after, But frankly I guess imma find clues. [Interlude] The story's the same, If I told you, you'd swear that you heard it all, Where'd it all change, I'm yelling but don't think I'm heard at all, The story's the same, If I told you, you'd swear that you heard it all, I'm looking for change, But no one is helping the search at all, The search is on, The search is on, The search is on, The search is on, I'm looking for change, The search is on, I'm looking for change, But no one is helping the search at all. [Verse 2] Guess imma find clues, Fuck your feelings, cause it's fuck mine too, Yours may not hurt when you got it the worst, But I'll tell you the truth, mine do, Taken for granted, I'm feeling dismantled, All torn apart, wishing no one had tampered, What's this predicament, I find it sickening, Mentioning, I'm not myself again, Oh well, My memoirs seemed to go well, "Ok, tell me what's wrong" "Doc, maybe you were right all along" "What do you mean?" "I like my nights spent alone, doing what I please when I get in the zone" "You just need some help" "Should've seen that coming" "I'm serious" "Honestly, I feel like running" "Your memoirs helped though" "Yeah but who's reading?" "Well, I am" "It's unneeded, Fuck this self pity, I just fucking feel like quitting" "Maybe you should write some more, Make memoirs like before, I believe you're only stopping yourself, In fact, I'm willing to bet" "Stop" "No, you're one of the best" Battle with my conscienceness, He telling that me I'm the best, But the sad truth is, I'm feeling just the opposite, I can spit, yeah I know it's true, Whether in my head or I'm stuck in a booth, There's nothing to do, I mean, there's nothing to lose, I might as well write an entry or two, Guess it's time to find out what my words can do, Double X I, thought it looked cool...
3.
Out Of My Head [Verse 1] Too much shit, gotta get it outta my mind, I ain't gotta lie it's getting louder with time, And they tell me to die when there's times that I've tried, I don't wanna go there, My girls like oh dear, She likes that I'm open but I have been hoping, My book would be closing, I guess I was chosen to go there, Aw fuck, shit, I'm rambling now, I'm telling these stories, I'm making them up, Lie to myself as I'm taking the bluff, Feelings just don't get considered enough, Guess I'm the bad guy for bringing it up, While I'm at this point saying everything sucks, Guess I tripped on my luck and no one gives a fuck, But that's ok, It's alright, I don't mind to stay at the pond all night, Don't feel like myself so I guess I'll write, But I'm still never feeling the same, Hate that I'm feeling this way, I'm slipping, I'm falling, I'm tripping and calling, That bluff that I told myself earlier, Feel like a burglar, I don't belong, I like isolation but this situation just makes me seem much more alone, I ain't been in my zone, And I feel like it's gone, I'm crying, tryna forget that it's blown, So sad, it's there in my tone, There's times where I wish I was home but I know that I don't, I feel like a child like I'm no longer grown. [Hook] Outta my head, outta my head, All of these fucking thoughts outta my head, Man I wish that I could just be so fucking dead. [Verse 2] Thoughts in my head, yes they drive me insane, Take me to Arkham, examine my brain, If I ever, I mean if I ever do make it, Please make a note of the effort I'm taking, Cause thinking is driving me crazy, No time spent on what I love lately, You can blatantly say that you hate me, At a phase where that can't phase me, Cause who are you thinking can hate me the most, The guy faking smiles while he's making the most, Of shit in his life but he's slipping tonight, Cause the dreams that he clenched so incredibly tight, Seem so far out of reach, They're no longer in sight, He's focused on getting this music shit right, But it gets pushed aside by no choice of his own, Damn, Now was that made up, Trick question, Quit guessing, Cause you may just have it all wrong, Whatever faith I got is feeling all gone, No way that imma make this up, I really fucking feel like I suck, Aw shucks, My skill is all luck, Nah, fuck that, Everything was all true, but that, Death row since birth, Gotta live with this curse, Of feelings of feeling inferior, Looking at myself in the mirrors I broke, These feelings I wrote in the space of a note, This vape that I toke, It blow heavy smoke from my lungs, Oh no where did I go. Train of thought. [Hook] Outta my head, outta my head, All of these fucking thoughts outta my head, Man I wish that I could just be so fucking dead.
4.
Memoir: Entry IV [Intro] "So... What's on your mind?" [Verse] This is a memoir, A mafucka wanna go somewhere, Been 6 plus years, still ain't got shit but a mafucking part in the hair, Please pardon the air, I just ain't been feeling myself like I used to, Tryna make some new moves, Bring a mafucka from the old to the new school, It's like I got a new groove, But I ain't Cuzco, Damn the whole crew cold... 1 time for the 1 time, A mafucka prolly killed my shit with one rhyme, But it's ok, That's my nigga though, Who the fuck got hard feelings though, Not me, My own worst enemy would prolly try to stop me, And block me, Cause he don't like me, Directing all my bad moves like a nigga Spike Lee, Hiding all the good that a mafucka might see, I just might be, The best thing since wrestling in HD, Damn it sounds crazy, But maybe, Cause lately, Everything's changing around me, And that has allowed me, To let out some built up shit, Mafuckas wanna milk up shit till they get what they want, But I ain't giving in, Living in a world full of pretend people, Stuck on they ego, But can't make a free throw cause everything's free to them, And that don't make sense, unless you get it, But get it, you don't, That's ok, We know that you won't, No Cobain, Just word play, Please rest in peace, Get off of my case, I can't help that my mind is all over the place, For goodness grace- Ous, Patience is key, But I'm willing to snatch it to see what it opens up, Well, just because, Wanderlust gotten the best of me, Testing me, Wondering who is the next to be, The next "big thing" like a galaxy, The Milky Way is a pretty big shoe to fill, I'm wondering who to kill, Glance in the mirror like "ooh it's him" I'm the only one that could kill myself, If another rapper tried then he'd need my help, I just call it how I see it, You don't have to believe it, I'm seeing all my visions come together like a Rubix, When I make it big, nigga imma tell you that I knew it, But you blew it, What are you doing.... Anyway, this a mafucking memoir, Still got a mafucka feeling like a centaur, Can't kill this. "It seems like you can't concentrate on one thing..." "You saying I got ADHD?" "Well... No, I just..." "Hell, maybe I do. I don't know. Who cares?" "But..." "Hey, you wanted to know what was on my mind." "Ok. Fine. What do you want?" "I wanna be famous..."
5.
Blessed Up [Verse 1] Realizing all my mistakes, Like did I find my gift late, Well let me get this shit straight, Hell yeah, fucking right before it gets late, Like I never even told my story, Man since when do I get worried, When my vision get so blurry, I don't man what's the hurry, Taking to myself, Man ain't that weird, Coming from a guy who ain't got no fears, What the fuck do I, Really got to lose, When I wake up and hit snooze, Is it motivation, Don't know, where this hesitation coming from, Talking to myself is getting old, can't be the only one, Who understands my feelings, Who knows just what's my deal is, One day I hope I meet someone who knows I'll make a killing man, One day I'll tell the world exactly what I went through, How I'd record on my phone now I got a shit booth, Gotta start out somewhere and I know this shit, I just hope that someone else can notice it. [Hook] We blessed up, Blessed blessed up, What's left to confess bruh, When you know your life's a mess, But still you blessed up, Blessed blessed up, Ain't no time rest bruh, When you know your life's a mess, You gone be blessed up. [Verse 2: Devin] Blessed up, Run up a check, I had to do it, I can't be broke, like an average dude, I still beat the pussy up and I'm leaving bruises, I'm smoking blunts to my music, cruising, They talking bout it, I really do this, Like life's a game, you either win or lose, And you taking Ls and my shooters shooting, Oh yes, Love and friends and my money up, yeah I'm blessed, Day ones in my circle, don't ever fuck with the rest, Ever since I lost my bro Jay this shit been a mess, Bullshit coming my way, coming at me like really homie what's next, I had to go and hit up big Teezy, Like what's the move, I'm feeling sleezy, Fuck all of these hoes, they greasy, Stack a bag, that shit so easy, I'm feeling breezy, loud pack, And zoning kinda weezy, What to do when you in the cut, Stay away from another slut, Bitches always get you in a rut, Cooling with TT, yeah The Enlightened, So what, We coming up, What's up, Cause we... [Hook] We blessed up, Blessed blessed up, What's left to confess bruh, When you know your life's a mess, But still you blessed up, Blessed blessed up, Ain't no time rest bruh, When you know your life's a mess, You gone be blessed up. [Outro] Blessed up, Blessed up, blessed up, Blessed up, Blessed up, blessed up, Yeah you blessed up, Blessed up, blessed up, Blessed up, Blessed up, blessed up, Aw yeah.
6.
You Don't Want It [Verse 1] This life that I'm living, The shit on my mind, Man I swear to god you don't want it, Fuck college, I'll go when I want, If I don't then oh well, Man I just wanna rap, It's a fact, Perhaps, if I could make it big and just pretend that my problems don't exist, Then I won't resist, The most consistent gift, And wish that this shit could end break or split in a mystical bliss, It's ok, It's ok, They say that everything is ok, Make ways to, Oh no, I won't go there, I won't compare, What I love to what I mostly fear, One time I broke a mirror cause I hated the image, True shit, that's prolly why I'm making these wishes, Got 5 years left with a blur to my vision, Guess I prolly shoulda thought before I made the decision, But oh well, You live and you learn, And I'm the type of dude to prolly never mention concerns, Not the bestest with words, Cause that wasn't one, And what I do for fun, That wasn't one, Did you just start listening, I just begun, To all the people saying I'll make it when the times right, Well you can get the fuck up outta my sight, In hindsight, you never helped me anyway so what you know bout my fight, Why lie, It's Sci-Fi how I rhyme lines, Time flies when your mind is like a life line, Forreal it's so crazy, These niggas fugazi, Just look what you made me, I wanna make it, but no one is helping me, I can't conceive to your ideals but whatever's there to take from me, Let's take the key of misery, drown it in your memories, Roll the Dutch and all just sing along to fucking 'Let It Be'. [Bridge] The story's the same, If I told you, you'd swear that you heard it all, Where'd it all change, I'm yelling but don't think I'm heard at all, The story's the same, If I told you, you'd swear that you heard it all, I'm looking for change... [Hook] You wanted me, I give it to you, And now you don't want it, I know you don't want it, I know you don't want it, You wanted me, I give it to you, And now you don't want it, I know you don't want it, I give you me and I know you don't want it. [Verse 2] You do not want this shit, No, you don't want it, Truth is, neither do I, Good luck with your lives, Rap is hella stress, hope it pays great, Honestly, ironically, stress for me just seems to always motivate, Initiate the plan from point B to letter Z, Where's the A you ask, Well beats me, Historically it always came first admittedly, But not with me, Cause you see, A is to better all the lives around me, They found me, Oops, gotta run, Run run as fast as I can, To be the man and it's for certain I'll be working till my fingers hurting, From writing or typing, Whatever you wanna call it, But I'll just call it like I see it, Believe it, I mean it cause I'll be the meanest, To hop on the scene, It's amazing, I'm staring in awe, I thought that you knew, Thought you saw, But guess not, I best not go there no way, It's a hard knock life like Hov say, Ok, but I am really not the type to go play, Most days, I'd rather sit alone and write, I'm hungry tryna find the light, But every day's a struggle and I'm sure it's like a losing fight, I'm losing might and sight of what I hope to be, I hope to see, The world as we know it, sing to Jodeci, And notice me, As hip hops best contender, oh so woefully, Why front, Guys run where I'm from, Or they wish they did, Got me feeling like I'm dumb, That's a nice one, I'm the bright son, The oracle, Everybody come to me, I'm feeling so historical, The more you know, the better, But is it really better when you feel the pain much deeper within each and every letter, Well for better or worse, Imma live with curse, And spit every verse as if it is my last, Forreal. [Bridge] The story's the same, If I told you, you'd swear that you heard it all, Where'd it all change, I'm yelling but don't think I'm heard at all, The story's the same, If I told you, you'd swear that you heard it all, I'm looking for change... [Hook] You wanted me, I give it to you, And now you don't want it, I know you don't want it, I know you don't want it, You wanted me, I give it to you, And now you don't want it, I know you don't want it, I give you me and I know you don't want it. (beat switch) [Verse 3] Is it weird that I can look into myself if I can't help it, You ask me about breakfast and I prolly won't remember, But sometime late in December, I got some life changing news, Imma be a father, Is the story the same now, Insane how, My life is at a different pace now, And everything I do, it's like I'm doing for Drake now, Displaced now, from whatever I used to be, Then I think bout my own father and I see what it do to me, I'm... Stressed out, But everyone is saying how I'm blessed now, It's ok how I see it, The music is building me into what I'm tryna be, And I just want them to see, That father or not, I'm going after I'm dreams, And I'm only going harder tryna water my seed, I wanna bleed for my own and this the place for it, Blank canvases hold all the fucking space for it. [Bridge] The story's the same, If I told you, you'd swear that you heard it all, Where'd it all change, I'm yelling but don't think I'm heard at all, The story's the same, If I told you, you'd swear that you heard it all, I'm looking for change... (Fade from original beat)
7.
If I Told You [Pre-Hook] Got something to tell you, I'll try to stay positive, Oh I, oh I, Know that they want me to get to the fall again, Oh I, oh I, Fuck all that, I'm just focused on rap, Making magic is the passion, As a matter of fact, Grab a toast, Listen close, With both eyes peeled till you healed, Oh I, oh I, oh I. [Hook] If I told you all the shit that I had locked up in my mind, Would you wanna listen, If I told you all the shit that I was gonna put you through, Would you wanna listen, If I told you music's all I'm really living for, just tell me, Would you wanna listen, No I can't help it, I can't shake it, I can't break it, I'm just asking if you'd wanna listen. [Verse 1] Honestly, I have been crying, The time I spent, Way out my mind, It's been crazy to think that I'm feeling like this, I just wanna fly again, Back home where I feel that I'll be fine again, Rolling stone on the lost road, It's dark but imma fly alone, My city ain't need me so I said I'm leaving, I left and I found out I didn't need Cincy, But damn man, why it have to go like that, Man, why they acting cold like that, I've sounded like Weezy, I've sounded like Drizzy, They wanted the real me, They words were deceiving, Man, what they want from a real nigga, To save these beats and just kill figures, Bet if I get big, then they'll hop on board, Like "I was here the whole time T, I just got bored", Oh my bad, I ain't notice you there, Last time that I did, you had your nose in the air, Like you was stuck half way through flipping your hair, Or something, Must be that you thought I would care or something, Worst behavior from the best known, Always talking shit that's less shown, Golden voice with a blessed tone, Hope my chances never get blown. [Pre Hook] Got something to tell you, I'll try to stay positive, Oh I, oh I, Know that they want me to get to the fall again, Oh I, oh I, Fuck all that, I'm just focused on rap, Making magic is the passion, As a matter of fact, Grab a toast, Listen close, With both eyes peeled till you healed, Oh I, oh I, oh I. [Hook 2] If I told you all the shit that I had locked up in my mind, I know you wouldn't listen, If I told you all the shit that I was gonna put you through, I know you wouldn't listen, If I told you music's all I'm really living for, just saying, You wouldn't listen, No I can't help it, I can't shake it, I can't break it, I'm just saying, that you wouldn't listen. [Verse 2] Everything's changing so slowly, The old me, Been lonely, He told me I wouldn't be shit, But I guess I ain't know me, Forreal, I'm not so reliant on pills, The pain, man it never got killed, I'm not saying this for a deal, Though it would help, But still, But still, Where the fuck Do I lose I myself to no return, When the bad gets worse and worse and worse and worse, And worse, but first, rehearse this curse adversed since birth, Immersed in verse and verse and verse and verse, And verse, Till hearse or worse, But what's worse is the feeling it'll never be reversed, Disburse my dispersion, Submerged in subversion, No aspersions in my excursions, It's certain I need a diversion, It's worth it, For certain. [Outro] Tell me what you gon' do, If I told you that ahead of time.
8.
If I Told You [Pre-Hook] Got something to tell you, I'll try to stay positive, Oh I, oh I, Know that they want me to get to the fall again, Oh I, oh I, Fuck all that, I'm just focused on rap, Making magic is the passion, As a matter of fact, Grab a toast, Listen close, With both eyes peeled till you healed, Oh I, oh I, oh I. [Hook] If I told you all the shit that I had locked up in my mind, Would you wanna listen, If I told you all the shit that I was gonna put you through, Would you wanna listen, If I told you music's all I'm really living for, just tell me, Would you wanna listen, No I can't help it, I can't shake it, I can't break it, I'm just asking if you'd wanna listen. [Verse 1] Honestly, I have been crying, The time I spent, Way out my mind, It's been crazy to think that I'm feeling like this, I just wanna fly again, Back home where I feel that I'll be fine again, Rolling stone on the lost road, It's dark but imma fly alone, My city ain't need me so I said I'm leaving, I left and I found out I didn't need Cincy, But damn man, why it have to go like that, Man, why they acting cold like that, I've sounded like Weezy, I've sounded like Drizzy, They wanted the real me, They words were deceiving, Man, what they want from a real nigga, To save these beats and just kill figures, Bet if I get big, then they'll hop on board, Like "I was here the whole time T, I just got bored", Oh my bad, I ain't notice you there, Last time that I did, you had your nose in the air, Like you was stuck half way through flipping your hair, Or something, Must be that you thought I would care or something, Worst behavior from the best known, Always talking shit that's less shown, Golden voice with a blessed tone, Hope my chances never get blown. [Pre Hook] Got something to tell you, I'll try to stay positive, Oh I, oh I, Know that they want me to get to the fall again, Oh I, oh I, Fuck all that, I'm just focused on rap, Making magic is the passion, As a matter of fact, Grab a toast, Listen close, With both eyes peeled till you healed, Oh I, oh I, oh I. [Hook 2] If I told you all the shit that I had locked up in my mind, I know you wouldn't listen, If I told you all the shit that I was gonna put you through, I know you wouldn't listen, If I told you music's all I'm really living for, just saying, You wouldn't listen, No I can't help it, I can't shake it, I can't break it, I'm just saying, that you wouldn't listen. [Verse 2] Everything's changing so slowly, The old me, Been lonely, He told me I wouldn't be shit, But I guess I ain't know me, Forreal, I'm not so reliant on pills, The pain, man it never got killed, I'm not saying this for a deal, Though it would help, But still, But still, Where the fuck Do I lose I myself to no return, When the bad gets worse and worse and worse and worse, And worse, but first, rehearse this curse adversed since birth, Immersed in verse and verse and verse and verse, And verse, Till hearse or worse, But what's worse is the feeling it'll never be reversed, Disburse my dispersion, Submerged in subversion, No aspersions in my excursions, It's certain I need a diversion, It's worth it, For certain. [Outro] Tell me what you gon' do, If I told you that ahead of time.
9.
Fly [Verse 1] They told us that the best thing to ever happen was the president seat, Evidently, things are never what they seem, Cause they hate us still, Beat us down at every opportunity, In the land of the free, But nothing's being handed, We demanded all these things we take for granted, In the streets, locking arms while we chanting, Somebody will hear the message, If red and blue can get along to fight the greater cause, Then why the fuck can't we see each other for more than flaws, Yeah I'm talking messed up grills, Crooked hairlines still, But do you see what's in the news, Tell me what is the deal, Sandra ain't deserve to go, Nigga neither did Sam, I'm tryna paint a picture bigger that can capture what I'm saying, I mean more than a thousand words, Feel it in traps and burbs, While everything they saying got them sounding absurd, Got the power of the pen but man this shit is a curse, Now imma let you mourn dawg, just know that shit for the birds. [Hook](x2) Everybody got a problem with the world we living in now, I wanna fix it, I been thinking tryna figure out how, If we spread our wings then maybe we could learn how to fly, All these frowns that's around me, hope we learn how to fly. [Verse 2: Sleep] I'm tryna learn how to fly, Ain't got my wings yet, They saying there's some good in the world, that I ain't seen yet, And I ain't mad about it, Life is but a dream, or better yet it's a nightmare, Blessings to the team, we good, So it's understood, Look if it's a problem, Then you got a whole squad of some niggas you need to solve it with, Model it, Wear it like a uniform, keep it true, Keep your word, Always be a man, nigga see it through, And we seeing through, All of the lies, All of the smiles, you can see the hatred all in the eyes, I'm saying, Every man created equal but the heart isn't, It's hard not to play a part in it, I'm saying, Yo, perception is everything, So stay grounded, Speak your mind, nigga fuck how the shit sounded, When it's all said and done, you can look at you, Came for the world and you took it too, Sleep. [Hook](x2) Everybody got a problem with the world we living in now, I wanna fix it, I been thinking tryna figure out how, If we spread our wings then maybe we could learn how to fly, All these frowns that's around me, hope we learn how to fly. [Verse 3] Day by day, this shits insane and when it rains, it fucking pours dawg, If somebody ask me if I get it, imma say of course dawg, Of course yall know, knowledge is power, Freedoms only realistic at the top of tower, Put a stop to these cowards, Who shoot first and ask questions never, Better him than me they say, oh boy that's fucking clever, Still that boy from the cellar, that you can't tell shit to, But when it really hit you nigga lift up the pencil, Put your heart in every letter, never know where it'll get you, If your hands up and you next, better hope they miss you, That's a separate issue, So there I'll place the comma, Drama drama dramas all I hear, turn to my momma, Saying I can be whatever I want if I put my mind to it, But the systems corrupt, don't know if I got time to prove it, Power of the pen but man this shit is a curse, Now imma let you mourn dawg before it get any worse. [Hook 2] Tell me why they got a problem with the shit I keep in my head, Are they scared of the potential that's unleashed if I ain't dead, Born living a lie, I was only born to die, The way I'm feeling inside, imma learn how to fly, Yeah, imma learn how to fly, Man I put on my momma imma learn how to fly, Put it on my son too, one day imma fly, Done living a lie, man imma learn how to fly.
10.
Memoir: Entry V [Verse] This a memoir, A nigga I knew said don't let this shit change you, For better or worse, So in every verse, I deliver my heart, Like the start of this shit, Man, It's crazy, How I been feeling lately, Florida has made me, Try not to hate me, And I am convinced that I'm taking my time with creating a rhyme, Cause my mind has been hazy, And niggas fugazzi, So I keep it real, But they hating, They don't want real shit, They don't wanna feel shit, How they know I killed it, When they never wanna listen to the lyrics, Real shit, My first set of entries was a little more personal, That's fine but believe this shit is purposeful, One day, one kid, age 13, Found out what he had to do to stop the hurting, Venting and no more pretending that finding the ending of life was the best for him, His peers man they never did check for him, So he put on a front as a test for em, They failed, Thought he was happy, Thought he sucked at rapping, Thought he knew his daddy, Like this shit was magic, He really was average, And thought he was savage, Ain't know who his dad is, Man this shit is tragic, A vision, he had it, On a mission to grab it, They thought that he would lose the passion, But I swear that he hasn't, Who knew that the ship would sail, Now the boy is the captain.
11.
The Fall [Intro: The Enlightened] The story's the same, But you haven't heard it all, I'm going insane, But ain't going towards the fall. [Verse 1] Told em imma make it, They ain't want me to prove it, If they really knew me they would know saying that I can't do it is only influencing, Me to do better, Studied this shit down to the letter, I ain't worried bout who next, Only worried bout doing my best, Dammit, Even if that means getting shit off my chest, No stress, More checks, Go west, No more feeling depressed, I ain't saying what I got, only stating what I want, Never understood the guys ain't living what they talk, Man, that's real for ya, Whatever works, I hope it get a deal for ya, No, seriously, And how that fucking works, man it's a mystery, So listen, see, Everybody dreams, grande o picante, I say, if I'll be the one to make it, Imma do it my way, Reminiscing walking in the hallways, I'm the same now, Don't give a fuck about what y'all say. [Bridge: The Enlightened] The story's the same, But you haven't heard it all, I'm going insane, But ain't going towards the fall. [Bridge 2] Got the passion of a million rappers wrapped up in one, Oh no, man I can't do this shit for fun, Tell you what, man I owe it to the city I'm from, Got the passion of a million rappers, come and get some. [Verse 2] Ready or not, Must've forgot, That underneath, I'm still Samaad, That's deep, deep, Deeper than you'll prolly ever notice, Tryna picture what's ahead of me, Hoping I don't lose focus, I been toe to toe with myself for I don't know, A lotta years, Lotta tears brought me here, I guess I had a lotta peers, But not a lotta ears, When it all appears, I hope it's fucking obvious, That I'm this for way way more than dollar bills, Bothers me still, That y'all impressed by fake shit and not by the real, Well maybe if I was a clone I woulda been got a deal, They rap about a murder charge but the records showing "not enough kills", How does it feel, Your whole life is right in front of you, The truth just got spilled, Million dollar ideas coming from my two cents, In my mind I'm just thinking bout what imma do next. [Bridge 2] Got the passion of a million rappers wrapped up in one, Oh no, man I can't do this shit for fun, Tell you what, man I owe it to the city I'm from, Got the passion of a million rappers, come and get some. [Bridge: The Enlightened] The story's the same, But you haven't heard it all, I'm going insane, But ain't going towards the fall. [Verse 3] Fall, Damn, the ball been dropped, Pick right up where I had left it, Carried straight to the top, I ain't gonna stop, They make my heart break when they start, May not been great from the start, But the shit I say is straight from the heart, Can't take it apart, Maybe that just means that I'm playing it smart, Had my own fucking fam saying that I need the hype man, Yeah, right man, Fuck that shit, I'll be alright man, I'd rather be myself if imma make it at all, And if someone suggest a change, hope I don't make it at all, I'm the, best to do this in oh so long, They flow so wrong, Forget about Joe Blows song, Had a vision just the other night, Reminiscing summer times, Oops, ain't got no time for that, I just cut another tie, I just cut another tie, Another rhyme upon me, Wishing that I had another mind, Another time to make the shit that I create, Then I'd be great, Fuck the game up so much, And man I hope that it can ovulate, Conversations bout making it, Complications with taking it, Ain't faking it like I made it, Inviting niggas to hate it, Saying for goodness gracious, And this is a waste of patience, Get so insane with the waiting, That I'm becoming complacent, Im back and forth with the pacing, And facing so many choices, The focus is getting notice, They thinking that I'm a novice, Or novice, man fuck that word, I'm here putting in all the work. [Outro: The Enlightened] The story's the same, But you haven't heard it all, I'm going insane, But ain't going towards the fall.
12.
Long Time [Intro] Been a long time coming, what you gone do, Been a long time coming, what you do, what you do, Been a long time coming, what you gone do, Been a long time, Been a long time. [Verse 1] 7 years, matter fact and I been working hard, Tears in the dirt, don't give a fuck who wanna call me soft, Been going back and forth like a fucking game of volley ball, Man all of y'all, can listen when I speak, I'm never falling off, Falling off again, I'm here to win and no this shit ain't pretend, When I make it to the top, you know I'm bringing my friends, Everybody wanna speak up on what they wanna be, But look at me, I'm actually doing shit and chasing the dream, Creating memories and where I go, I'm taking the team, Speaking of team, it's ABH until the day I go, By overdose, like I'm supposed to, Now let me coach you, On the game plan, Nothing ain't the same man, They think I am the same man, from years ago, But this ain't no arcade man, I'm free to live my life how I want, by any cost, Play it smart or play it cool, Don't give a fuck about the rules, If you was in my shoes at this point, what the fuck would you do. [Hook](x2) Been a long time coming, what you gone do, Been a long time coming, what you do, what you do, Been a long time coming, what you gone do, Been a long time, Been a long time. [Verse 2: Enlightened] It's been a long time, Since I felt the stress, It's been a long time, I been living a mess, Cincinnati born and raised, but local I'm not, Taking a shot down here in Florida, And been through a lot, Don't Fuck with cops, no, even though I'm tryna be one, Nobody stopping me from what the fuck I wanna become, Ain't no repeat or rerun when these things come, It's new to me, Shit change, you lose friends and maybe gain some enemies, Living in silence, In this city filled with violence, But I learned a long time ago that nothing comes from crying bout it, If a shot is thrown at me, they say I'll miss it but I highly doubt it, Grew my wings and learned to fly, so my life, I'm the pilot of it, It's been a long time, so nigga what am I to do, It's been a long time of breaking all the fucking rules, Shit ain't what it seems, But imma keep on pushing through until I'm living my dreams. [Hook](x2) Been a long time coming, what you gone do, Been a long time coming, what you do, what you do, Been a long time coming, what you gone do, Been a long time, Been a long time.
13.
Deserve It/Doubt Me PART ONE (Deserve It) [Verse 1: The Enlightened] Girl your body's bouta make me wanna do things, Girl your body's gonna make me do some new things, Prolly some things you've never heard of, (Tonight) I'm committing pussy murder, Bring the cups, baby, I could bring the drank, Bring your body, baby, I could bring you fame, I'm on that Weeknd shit, but I'm Enlightened, Do it each and every weekend bitch, I do, Said I do, Girl I do, And if you don't fucking believe it, I will see you and your twin bitch, In a minute, babygirl, we'll get it on, (Do you know what's going on over here) (And have you even bothered to look) [Verse 2] Been going hard all day, Been a minute since I did it like this, No one get in my way, And please don't think it's a game, Cause I'll run you out the arcade, And you can run and tell all your little friends you got beat by a nigga sounding like Drake, But that's ok, and that's alright, Just give me the beat and then I'll write, But I made this shit, You ain't creating hits, And to tell you the truth, you ain't with the shits, Man, Real shit, I kill shit when that time comes, I'm going off like a time bomb, Ain't no one keeping up when I run, Man, Telling you I got the master plan, One day you'll understand, Don't compete with me cause I'll show no mercy, Yell it in your ears, making sure you heard me, Throw you 6 feet deep all in the ground, just because I know that you deserve it, Yeah, you deserve it, You deserve it, You deserve it, I hope you heard me. PART TWO (Doubt Me) [Verse 1] One time, tell me what's your plans for the boy, In no time, imma be the man, not the boy, It's promised, don't mind me, I'm just honest, You'll be mad if I told you that I called it, Balling, never again am I falling, Man I'm building shit, you ain't built for this, Made the beat and then killed it quick, Took a break, these dudes ain't catch up yet, You got beef dawg, I ain't found the ketchup yet, Man I'm on a ride, you ain't next up yet, Guaranteed man, imma be the best up yet, And I'll prove it, Nike dawg, I just do it, Damn, lace me up, I'll run miles on them, They don't like me switching styles on them, Staying at least one step ahead, Play it like I got files on them, I did it, I did it, I didn't forget it, Cause I kept on going man, who are we kidding, The ones that said that I'd never make it, all gave up first, No names but I promise you, they got straight up murked, I'm putting my mind to these things that I'm doing, I'm doing it all, don't give a fuck when I'm proving them wrong. [Hook](x2) Remember things they said about me, Remember things they said about me, All my life, man they only doubt me, Promise man, you should've never doubt me. [Verse 2] Been way too long I been doing this, Been way too long I had to prove this shit, I've elevated, accelerated, You constipated like you moving bricks, I get it, Rap don't work out, try something else, I get it, Imma kill em all till there ain't nobody left, I ain't saying that I'm better than you, Well maybe just a little, should I put it in a letter for you, The truth is, I'm ruthless, And on a whole nother level from you, Holy, oh my, I'm so holy man I levitate, You don't gotta like but you could never hate, If you tryna drop, man you better wait, Cause when I come through I won't hesitate, To eat the beat up and regurgitate, *eats* damn, don't mind me, just couldn't wait, I'm putting my mind to these things that I'm doing, I'm doing it all, don't give a fuck when I'm proving them wrong. [Hook] Remember things they said about me, Remember things they said about me, All my life, man they only doubt me, Promise man, you should've never doubt me. [Verse 3] I wonder how many friends I really got when it comes down to it, When the time comes and my dreams come true, Who gone smile for me, That's what really matters cause to tell the truth, it mean a lot to me, I just wanna hear that you proud of me, Who is really down to ride on my side, Ain't hopping on the wagon for the high life, Can't share the wave, it's all mine, I wanna be the greatest out of my time, I'm prolly nowhere near what you're used to, And that's fine with me, these rappers need to see the new truth, Ever since YouTube, things been in a new groove, New school, think these niggas need to get a Blues Clue, Disagree with me and I'm prolly say screw you, Remove you, they saying Teezy I don't like the new you, I'm still putting my mind to these things that I'm doing, I'm doing it all and don't give a fuck when I'm proving them wrong, They don't like it, then they can just move it along, Just move it along.
14.
Nights in the South Night One: Having good times can be so hard, If you don't know, Now you do, I don't really know why I came here but I'm thinking its for you, What you doing to me, What you doing to me, When the time comes up, And I've run my luck, No fuss but, Are you rolling with me. Can somebody throw me the mic, No questions asked, I'll kill any rapper on sight, Forreal, Music is money, Money is power, And imma use hip hop till I get the tip top of the tip tip top of the fucking tower. [Aaliyah Sample] Remember when I did that shit, But that ain't what this joint about, Fuck it, Go ahead and play it out. Night Two: Fuck that I'm moving on, Not even worried when my crew getting on, If you gotta ask it, will I grab it, Let him have it, mafucka, Try proving me wrong, Try it mafcka, I been here all day man, Grinding mafucka, Everybody want a diss, Everybody want a hit, Tough shit, Why a nigga lying, mafucka, Forreal, I do not try to make things come off this way, Today it just did, Forreal I do not know who buzzing all of the shit from the kid, Maybe I'm a big deal, Maybe this is all in my head, He say, she say, I'm one of the best, Maybe I can prove it, Throw my Nikes on and do it, Nothing to it, I just wanna lose my mind to the music, I'm always improving, Throwing new flows in the groove, And I just knew it, Man, I would be contributing to movements, Forreal, Can't let the moment pass me, All these dark thoughts grabbing, They reaching for me, Teasing, they used to have me, And now I'm in a new mood, Cause I used up happy, And I apologize if that was crappy, I'm feeling crafty tonight, I can do whatever I deem as possible and I'm the type, It'll happen tonight, If my craft is just right, On my goldilocks, I'm bearing three stages in this shit, Coming home to rock, Bottom, hit the lotto with the bottle of pills hoping it would kill, But I feel the pain still, Is it real, And if so what's the fucking big deal. This is memoir, Though I didn't start it out that way. Yeah, it's true... I left my home of Cincinnati, Ohio. Now I'm here, just outside of Tampa, Florida. My son, Drake, was born on my 20th birthday. How amazing is that? I'm still 20 as I write this, but when you hear it I'll be 21. Hence the album title. I believe I've stayed true to who I would be musically throughout this entire ride, If you haven't heard by now, FOUND, Memoirs and this act as a trilogy. Multiple chapters of my life all rolled into one. FOUND was and still is dedicated to my Great Grandmother. If you've listened enough, I'm sure you know of the promise I made to her when she passed. Yeah, I'm still keeping it. No worries there. Memoirs of a Cincinnati Maniac, I never really dedicated to anyone, But I did take a more experimental approach that I was able to convey here on XXI, And of course, XXI is dedicated to no one other than my son. I hope to give you the best.
15.
Where Were You [Verse 1] Slowly drifting away, Wave after wave I, Feel it much deeper as the days go by, Yeah, You tell me you need the space, I'm saying don't go away, But I know it's my fault and I just can't lie. [Bridge] Can it be that it's over, Heard your friends say I told ya, Can it be that's it's over, Tell me cause I need to know this time. [Verse 2] Where were you, When I needed help, Where were you, When I couldn't do this all by myself, Damn, Swear that these times have changed, Damn, But I just cannot complain, You want me to ride, You want me to roll with you, But I need to see the whole picture first girl, Came a long way in these last seven years, From drying my tears, To losing my peers, Now tell me girl, is it easy as it appears, I gotta entertain these people, I gotta entertain these demons, Cause they haven't died and I never could free Em, Got plenty of dark thoughts I could feed Em, You feasting with them or you eating with me, Cause I'll be honest, Only one road is guaranteed, To satisfy you, Cause you got a really big appetite, You, Make me never even wanna have to fight, You, you, You, Know I'm doing right more than half the time. [Interlude] Where were you, (When I needed help), Where were you, Where were you, (When I couldn't do this all by myself), Where were you. [Verse 3] My feelings ain't never changed, I promise, I'm riding with you till the end of days, Listen, and you'll hear me calling your name, I promise it's not the same, You been with me through out all the changes, You want me to ride, Still want me to roll with you, While I'm over here, thinking of ways to switch roles with you, And honestly I get apologies never do hold with you, I had some goals with you, Stories, they going untold with you, Damn, I'm mixed up, Wondering how to get picked up, From where you left me, The best of me, is still with you girl, I can't forget you girl, I hope you miss me, I really hope you miss me, It's real tempting, To call you up late night, But I guess that everything's shifting, Damn it's too different. [Hook] Where were you, (When I needed help), Where were you, Where were you, (When I couldn't do this all by myself), Where were you. Where were you, (When I needed help), Where were you, Where were you, (When I couldn't do this all by myself), Where were you. [Verse 4] Everything's changing it makes me nervous, How many days can you take me hurting, Don't answer that cause you can't be certain, Working, it's worth it, but is it working, Honestly girl, I know I ain't perfect, Look in the mirror, see you deserve it, Lately I been a whole nother person, Tryna figure out what the hell that I was cursed with, I hope we still good, Hope we still good, I hope we still good Hope we still good, If I need to talk, are you around, Are you down for the cause, Are you down, Are you down, You still down. [Outro] Yeah, When I needed help, When I couldn't do this all by myself.
16.
Memoir: Entry VII/Till Next Time [Intro] Got a whole lot of problems, I think they all permanent. [Verse 1] This is a memoir, Gotta get them off my chest, like its Kevlar, Pay attention to the niggas out here spitting, Something different for a living, But, that ain't what you here for, God damn man, Tired of the opposition, God damn man, I'm just stuck in my position, God damn man, If I make another memoir, then I'm going crazy, That's just how I'm feeling lately, Forreal, look at how a nigga living, In my momma basement, tryna get to where I visioned, Myself, And my health, Is slowly deteriorating, But my wealth, Is slowing coming up, And I know you hate it, Motherfucker, don't forget I graduated, But I'm a college dropout and wish I never waited, Wish I was making some noise, Not just me but nigga, all of my boys, Gotta do this for my son sake, Monday through to Sunday, Working cause I know that I can make it happen one day, One way road, follow it to my dreams, My team, making moves that's colder than some ice cream, I scream out, any time I get some good news related to this music shit, Cause nigga I ain't use to it, I know I am not new to this, Compare me back to 09, now I'm doing fluent shit, Making moves and shit in hopes that one day I'll be stupid rich. [Verse 2] Keep it going, keep it going, Lotta hate coming my way and imma keep ignoring, I don't even know how I'm the one they searching for, When every time I hit em up, they never wanna see the phone, Never wanna see me grow, Never wanna see how this shit unfolds, And I'm tired of it, tired of it, But with this music man one day I will retire from it, And that mean two things, So the time is right now for me to do things, Cause I'll retire when I'm dead homie, How many fucking memoirs have you even read homie, Things better left unsaid homie, I'm only seeing red for the moment, Let me calm down, Maybe I can set it straight, And hope I ain't too late, To make the haters bite the words they say, From back in the day, With what I create, That's different from Drake, From album to tape, I got what it takes, And imma knock all out so they can't ride on my wave, I've seen my brighter days, And my dark ones too, But I remember those, Vividly recreating these images, Playing games like they scrimmages, And winning in my stories only after I had flipped the shit, Damnit man, I'm nigger rich, That mean I'm full of pride and loving every bit of it, Took a nigga 7 years before I even got a hit, Ain't that a bitch, Must've been a solid glitch, But I remember, I found my niche, I only exist if these rhymes do, Nah fuck that, now I'm going times two, I know when they see me, I know that they wanna be me, I know that... [Verse 3] Keep it going, keep it going, All these memoirs in my head that I had you exploring, But they still don't understand me like they think a nigga foreign, Nigga, I got more to show, Nigga, I got more to roll, Nigga, I got more to blow, And nigga I got more I wrote, God damn man, This is a memoir, God damn man, I'm the fucking centaur, God damn man, This what I was sent for, But they don't get it though, But they don't get it though, God damn man, This is a memoir, God damn man, I'm the fucking centaur, God damn man, This what I was sent for, But they don't get it though, No they don't get it though. *It seems... That you don't need me anymore... If you don't it's fine, no hard feelings* I just want you to listen now. *I can do that* [Entry] You know, this thing called life is pretty crazy. When's the last time I ended a memoir like this? *i think it was the last album* You're right. Anyway, this album is dedicated to my son. I just found out I have a second child on the way too. *that is pretty crazy* I just wanna make a difference... I guess that's why I make music like this... *theres nothing wrong with it, you make what you want to hear* Yeah, I just hope they feel it. Till next time... *till next time*
17.
XX to XXI [Verse] God damn, it's been a crazy year, And I ain't better than no one, I'm here to make it clear, I'll make a toast to all the niggas that's living in fear, In fear of losing they self, in losing they dreams, And honestly I live my life in cruise way more than it seems, One leg at a time, but something special in my jeans (genes), Yeah, and you can tell them I said it, Wonder where I'd prolly end up if this passion just ended, Forget it, Way back to Closer to my Dreams, Can't believe I was so young and naive, But maybe that's what really planted a seed, For all the music over the years that my mind had conceived, Introspective perceptions so they ain't guessing bout me, Open your ears for a second to learn a lesson bout me, 20 to 21 I entered into fatherhood, And told myself I'd do the shit I wish me and my father could, Damn, but what if they ain't know that, I got plenty of songs, go get the throwbacks, I had some dreads before but now I let them grow back, That was irrelevant, let's focus on this slow track, My nigga Curt been dropping bombs on them, But this ain't Hiroshima, ima go Saddam on them, Tell them it's all out war, they can't really afford, And tell them they can't dodge, cause it's really a Ford, Been keeping balance like a ghost ride, If you niggas need, I'll give you all the ghost lines, Making you wish, that you would've never chose sides, Cause my team will be the one to reach yo dreams in no time, That ain't up for discussion, Back on So Lost, I never would've saw this coming, But now this time I'm 21 and FOUND all of a sudden, Writing Memoirs just to hide that I needed the crutches, And if they asked about it, lie and tell them that it's nothing, But what if it's really something that I can't fathom, Stumble on what I say, Imagine going platinum while I'm driving in a phantom on the high way, But you can't even get your lies straight, In my city I'm surrounded by these light weights, That think that they about that life when really that is not the case, Hoping you keep up with what I say since I slowed the pace, XXI I think it's time to buy a drink or two, How many times have I been drunk, Aw man, I think a few, I never used to drink but now I got a different view, And niggas wanna trip, go on vacation from the things they do, Like that'll make it easy for them, Why am I the one that's gotta, go after Teezy for them, Said it before, I'll only die the day I kill myself, Cause these dudes would never have a chance if they don't have my help, Money talking, I'm just out here tryna listen to it, Relaying secrets bout the game and how to get me through it, Not so worried bout materialistic, my whip ain't the newest, And with this music, I can't quit when I'm so fluent, Influencing the greats of the next generation, I can tell you bout the hate you generating, If you jealous on some bitch shit, Find a new mission, Cause that jealousy could turn all your anger into quitting, Muy loco that I no love the coco, Gas up at Sunoco and pray that there ain't a no show, Cause I'm on my grind and hustling, Tryna find out where they hustle went, Rappers these days is struggling, But I just take it as another win, Cing Curt did you get the message, Nick Swisher did you get the message, Apparently these niggas think they winning, I'm guessing, Whatever message they had sent for us I didn't get it, Niggas flexing for the gram cause they need the attention, Then shake my hand thinking I'll point them in the right direction, But I'm tryna find which way that I should go towards, Higher ups are always closing my doors, But I'm optimistic, looking to a brighter tomorrow, Just cause you with me now, don't mean that you invited tomorrow, And that's real.

about

This is an important album in many ways. The first body of work upon finding out I was becoming a father (EXCLUDING the Cincinnati Maniac mixtape released on New Years of 2016). The final body of work for my trilogy of albums (FOUND, Memoirs of a Cincinnati Maniac and now, XXI). This album captures my feelings from being 19 and learning of becoming a father, moving to Florida and feeling completely alone, becoming 20 years of age and a father on the same day and other events leading to becoming 21 years old with only one song being created after that point (XX to XXI). This album is also special in that it is the final project I'll be releasing under the name of Terrell. From here on out, I'll be going under the moniker of Codiac. Any beat I produced on this album will be credited to the name Codiac. XXI as it stands right now IS NOT 100% complete. Approximately 60% of the album is mastered with the rest only being mixed and there is one beat on this album that I still need to purchase. This album is still going up for commercial release once all of these things are taken care of. I just didn't want to pass another New Years still working on this album so I decided to give you guys what it is currently. I put a great amount of hard work and emotion into the making of this album and with all of that being said, i hope you guys are able to really take it in and resonate with it.
Thank you.

credits

released December 31, 2016

PRODUCERS:
Artem
Bamfi
TyG &Fifth
Ghost of '91
MjNichols
DVN
L Beats
Taylor king
XIV
Vizzy Venu$
Flip
Deisel1Time
Mike Titan
Terrell/Codiac (ME)

Artists:
Devin
Nick Swisher
Sleep
The Enlightened
Terrell

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Terrell Cincinnati, Ohio

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